If you're just beginning to learn meditation, either with a guided meditation group or on your own, you try for five or ten minutes each sitting; try to sit each day at the same time, morning or evening, whichever suits you best. You give the daily five to ten minutes to increase to fifteen or twenty minutes as the weeks pass, but you certainly don't try and push the pace.

Meditation isn't about tightening the teeth in determination. It's about sitting quietly with yourself, and although it needs its own kind of self control this has less to do with stiffness than with compliant and letting go.

When the unavoidable thoughts or feelings arise, you allow them to pass into and out of attention like clouds pass in water. You don't try and push them off, but leave them to pass on their own harmony. Irrespective of how 'important' the thoughts seem to be or how pressing or disturbing the feelings, you don't hold on to them or allow one thought or emotion to trigger another and another till you are down on an inattentiveness trail that takes you further and further from the simple matter of the in-breath and the out-breath.

If, however, you do get carried away, gently but confidently go back to your breathing the instant you realize this has cropped up. Avoid being impatient with yourself or convincing yourself you'll never learn how to meditate. Your drifting mind is simply showing to you just how much you need to apply your meditation techniques. It is assisting you, prompting you, showing you how less control you have over your own thoughts. The right response is gratitude, gratitude towards that part of your mind that has become aware you are wool-gathering and that has reminded you to return to your point of focus.

I cannot stress enough how important this attitude of gratitude is. If you trouble yourself each time you become aware you are lost in thought, you will not only be provoking the unwelcome emotion of self-disgust, you will be taming your mind not to remind you when it is wandering later on. You are in effect punishing it every time for reminding you, and naturally it doesn't like being punished. So it will remind you less and less often, and you will find concentration becomes harder and harder. In response to the disappointment that this brings, your mind will then start whispering convincingly to you that meditation is a total waste of effort, and that you would be well encouraged to find something greater to do with your time.

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